He knew that I was extremely vulnerable, mourning the loss of our relationship and desperately desiring a relationship for my daughter with him and he used that vulnerability against me.
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I was concerned because here I was making this bold, courageous move to leave an abusive situation, yet my daughter was still chasing after love and approval from her father, her friends, even (emotional) bullies at school.
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When we rely on the ex for one of our core needs like food, shelter, joy, peace, or freedom, we are still enmeshed emotionally with him. When he doesn’t come through, our whole lives are affected.
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For years I spent so much of my energy on a fool that I didn’t have enough left over to deal with regular parenting.I used to forget and still expect that I could explain my side and he would finally see. Or he would finally do the right thing for our kid. *Spoiler Alert* He never did.
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I was stuck in a loop of negative thinking. I desperately wanted a better life for myself and my daughter. I wrote these words in my journal.
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