At that time I relied on hopes and prayers to make things happen. I hoped he would do the right thing, I hoped court would go well. I sat in a room and cried until I made the decision that I wasn’t going to take all this negativity anymore.
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I spent so much energy thinking about how he was going to mess up my plans that I started banking on it. It controlled my life and my parenting which is exactly what he wants.
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I realized it didn’t matter what I did, he was going to abuse my daughter. I got angry and thought, “How is this freedom from abuse when we’re both still being abused?!?”
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In my day-to-day life as a single mom, I was so afraid to talk to my daughter about anything related to abuse. I didn’t want to say anything against her dad, or tell her that he was wrong. I was so afraid of being vilified in court for badmouthing him.
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When we rely on the ex for one of our core needs like food, shelter, joy, peace, or freedom, we are still enmeshed emotionally with him. When he doesn’t come through, our whole lives are affected.
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