It’s natural to have a deep desire for your kids to have a healthy and connected relationship with their dad. But the reality is that he is not a healthy person who is able to connect with his kids. At times do you feel responsible for creating or maintaining that relationship?
I did. I found myself making decisions out of fear that my daughter wouldn’t have that relationship. When I first left, the ex told me that he was going to move across the country and I panicked.
He knew that I was extremely vulnerable, mourning the loss of our relationship and desperately desiring a relationship for my daughter with him. He used that vulnerability against me because he knew I would do whatever he wanted to keep him in the state so my daughter didn’t grow up without a dad.
When I left for the second and final time, he pulled the same trick. He told me he was going to move to Vietnam and work with orphans.
Because I had done so much healing, I was able to see this tactic for what it was. I called his bluff and told him I thought it was a great idea. I told him I was very happy for him. He never left.
I encourage you to take a good look at the reality of your situation. Ask yourself if the ex is a good guy. Is he healthy for the kids? Even if the kids adore him, you know the reality of who he is. You might desire a good relationship, but is it healthy for the kids? Ask yourself if you should really be bending over backwards to make sure that relationship happens.
People have asked me if I’m still in touch with the ex’s family, since we have a protective order and he’s not allowed to be near us. My answer is no. As much as I desire for my child to have a relationship with her grandparents and cousins, it’s not as great as my desire to protect her from abuse.
If this is something that resonates with you, schedule a free 15 minute consultation with me. We’ll talk about the tools that are available to you that can help you work through the reality of your situation.
God made you for this!
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