Is Struggling Single Mom Your Identity?

Is Struggling Single Mom Your Identity?
Single Mom life is difficult. No question. Sometimes you struggle in certain areas - financially, relationally, dealing with a lack of support. These things happen, but do you find yourself believing that this is who you are?

I struggled in every area for years. Years! 

I found that after I was awarded sole custody, some of the struggles died down and yet I still found myself seeing everything as a struggle. So many tv shows and movies portray single moms as living in subpar conditions, never having enough money, some even struggling with addictions. 

There's definitely a societal stigma of poverty attached to being a single mom, would you agree?

If you look at married women and see their nicer clothes, newer cars, living in larger houses and you think, “Oh, that will never be me,” then you can relate. You’re identifying as the 'struggling single mom'.

And I get it! The evil men we had children with love to abuse us financially, taking us back to court repeatedly, while family court does little to protect us from this type of abuse. 

Affording childcare while you work is another reality many of us face. 

I was where you are.

Hear me out, though. You might feel broken, but sister, you are not broken. 

Your current circumstances do not have to define you. 

I want you to start looking forward. Think about what is important to you and start to tell yourself that that’s how you will identify yourself. Do you want to be an entrepreneur? Tell yourself, “I don’t work for myself right now, but I am a future entrepreneur.” 

Do you shop in a thrift store for your clothing? I have (and still do). I want you to challenge yourself when you go into the store. Don’t go in thinking, “This is all I can afford.” Go in there thinking, “I’m going to get the best thing in here for this amount of money. I find quality clothing at a fraction of the original price. I'm savvy with my money."

Is there something more expensive you want to purchase? Instead of thinking, “I could never afford that,” turn it around and think, “What could I sell to be able to afford this?”

One year around Thanksgiving the Department of Taxation froze my bank account. Because I was still tied to the ex and he hadn’t paid, I had zero dollars to my name. No credit cards to use, and barely any food in the house!

A good friend came that year and filled my pantry. Her mom gave me money, that seemingly came out of nowhere. I’ve been in a place where I was truly struggling and needed people to help me. 

I’ve also been in a place where I decided, now is the time I am going to help myself. 

I’m choosing to identify as a successful single mom.

This mindset change came looonnnggg before I was actually successful (note: I was still financially struggling)!

I’m encouraging you to try it out. It might not feel comfortable at first, but just keep at it. When those old struggling thoughts come in just say, “No. I am currently struggling, but that’s not my future and it’s not who I am.” 

Does it feel like this mindset shift would be impossible for you? Are you mad at me for writing this, thinking I have no clue how hard it is for you right now that you're currently struggling? Perhaps some coaching, one on one, could give you the hand you need to identify as a successful single mom and take practical steps in that direction.

If so, click below to schedule your 1:1 coaching session. I'd be happy to share what worked for me and guide you out of a season of struggle to one of success.

God made you for this!