I spent 24 years in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. Twenty-four years of brainwashing, degrading, demeaning my self esteem and self worth. I was stripped of all my strengths to the point of becoming a shell of who I was before. Can you relate?
Not only did I get out of an abusive marriage, but some time later I was also awarded sole custody and a protective order that has catapulted my freedom and my daughters freedom. And I believe that I had a part in bringing about this victory.
When I left the first time (it took two tries before leaving for good), I was so stressed that I barely weighed anything. I was scared and shaking and with the help of a friend, I left while he was at work.
Then my pendulum swung the other way. I now had some measure of freedom and I felt it fiercely. I was angry (justifiably) and intensely reactive to anything he would do to me or my daughter.
When I left for the final time, I was swayed by anything he would do. He would be nice one day and I’d get excited. He’d be nasty the next day and I would be furious. It was like being in a storm on the ocean, being rocked by the emotional chaos he brought with him wherever he went.
At that time I relied on hopes and prayers to make things happen. I hoped he would do the right thing, I hoped court would go well. I wished my attorney would respond to me. I prayed my employer wouldn’t fire me.
I was focused on negativity. I didn’t want to go to court anymore, I didn’t want to deal with his tantrums. The more I thought this way, the more chaos came my way.
I finally realized I can’t control anyone but myself. So I took action.
I showed the harassing texts I was getting to a friend, who sent me to the police, who sent me to a domestic violence advocate. They helped me file for my first protective order.
This was a major turning point for me because I was so used to dealing with all the crazy things that he would say to me that I didn’t realize they were threats on my life!
I didn’t get that protective order and I was devastated. I sat in a room and cried until I made the decision that I wasn’t going to take all this negativity anymore.
I read my Bible every day. At that time, I had been reading God’s promises that I wouldn’t be overtaken, that He would give me strength to get me through. But at that pivotal point I started to search the Bible for how to take control of my life, speak life over my situation, and stop living in this darkness.
Have you ever noticed if you want a certain car, you suddenly see them everywhere? You bring attention in your subconscious to that car. This is what I’m suggesting you do with your situation.
When you say things like, “This is not my day or my year. How many more things could go wrong?”, you’re inviting more difficulty into your life.
Think about what you want in your life. Then start changing your thoughts and words one thing at a time. Stop talking about what you don’t want and start talking about what you do want.
Try this exercise. Write in a journal the negative things you’ve been saying over and over again about circumstances, court, the ex, etc. You might be surprised at all the negativity that’s been spoken out loud!
As you change one thought at a time, you’ll start changing the trajectory of your life. A year from now when you look back at this journal you’ll be amazed and proud of yourself for how far you’ve come!
When you think and say positive things you want to see happen, you begin to believe it. And then it manifests in your life because you literally change the vibration frequency you’re putting out into the world.
This takes you out of defensive survival mode and puts you on the offense. Remember, our thoughts and feelings vibrate on a certain frequency. That frequency changes based on the thoughts we focus on.
After I made the decision to start attracting the positive to my life, things happened. Over time, I was awarded a protective order that lasted two years. I was awarded sole custody of my daughter. I know this isn’t everyone’s story, but it is what happened to me when I decided NO MORE.
I encourage you to start today. Take the journal where you wrote down what is happening to you and now write the things you want to see happen. Speak those things out loud as if they are happening. Soon you’ll start to believe it. And then you’ll see things changing for the better.
You may not be able to control what the ex does but you can control what you put out into the world. Decide it. Declare it. Change your life for the better.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. We’ll discuss the tools available to you that will help you and your kids move from surviving to thriving.
God made you for this!
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