The new year is a time that many people use to make changes in their lives. It’s a great time to “clean house” and make decisions that will make your life and your kids’ lives healthier emotionally.
Social media is an important area to focus on and clean house.
Question: Are you still social media “friends” with the ex, his family, or mutual friends?
There are many reasons we might hold on to these connections.
- You might stay friends with the ex so that you know what’s going on, in the interest of protecting the children.
- You might stay friends with the ex’s family because you were close to them or you want to keep them up-to-date on the kids’ lives.
- You might stay connected to mutual friends especially if you met them before he did. You don’t want to lose your circle of people just because you’re no longer in a relationship with the ex.
I completely understand this desire to stay connected and I followed the same thought pattern. But remember: Everything you say and do is fuel for the narcissist.
Keep these thoughts in mind when choosing who to stay connected to on social media:
- Seeing what the ex is posting on social media will likely trigger you and make you angry. You then give away your energy.
- It’s not your responsibility to keep the ex’s family updated on the kids’ lives. That’s his responsibility.
- Mutual friends usually will eventually pick a side and you don’t want your personal information leaked to him. Or they may choose to be neutral and share information equally between the ex and you.
If you stay connected with people who still talk to him on a regular basis, you run the risk of them telling him what is going on in your life. For one, you don’t want to give him information about you. For another, you will live in a state of constantly guarding what you say and do just in case it gets back to him.
On the flip side of this, staying connected also leaves space for people to inform you of things that he’s doing when he has the kids. They might think they’re helping you by keeping on top of things but there’s nothing you can do to change what he does when he’s with the kids, so don’t fill your head with thoughts that are going to keep you constantly worrying about your kids.
I’m not suggesting completely cutting all these people out of your life completely if that’s not possible or not desirable for you. I’m simply suggesting that disconnecting from them on social media is one of the healthiest things that you can do for your headspace, your heart space, and your stress level on a daily basis.
I’ll leave you with this thought. When I disconnected from the ex on social media, I stopped constantly thinking about him, constantly checking to see if he was doing something with our kid that I didn’t agree with, and constantly being angry because of what I saw. I suddenly had room to breathe, I had more confidence and more energy to focus on my own life.
It’s difficult to let go of relationships, especially when you’ve been connected for a long time. If you need some help as you take this next step in your healing journey, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. We’ll talk about what tools are available to you to get you moving in the direction of healing.
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie
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