How many times have you questioned your decision to leave the narcissist abuser? The post-separation abuse towards you is excruciating. But even more heartbreaking is when your kids return home to you after a visit with their father and you realize he has turned his abuse onto them.
As you get stronger, your boundaries get healthier and more firm, and as you hold to those boundaries, the ex is no longer getting narcissistic supply from you. There’s no more back-and-forth because you’re no longer buying into his tantrums.
He has to get his supply from somewhere and since you’re no longer providing the fueling, the kids are his prime targets. It’s heartbreaking to know that your kids are suffering his wrath.
It can be tempting to rescue and protect them by giving in. You’d rather take the abuse yourself than to watch them be abused on a deeper level.
There’s a huge risk to giving in. Your kids will learn how to function in their adult lives from their parents. If you take the abuse on yourself and allow the ex to get his main supply from you, then your kids will have only one home that is 100% abusive. They will likely end up in the same kind of relationships.
But when you hold firm to your boundaries and learn ways to protect your kids in your own home, you are providing an abuse-free environment for them to come home to. They will learn the skills they need to stand up to the bullies in their lives, including their father. They will learn how to set and hold healthy boundaries. They will be less likely to repeat the pattern of living abusive relationships as adults.
If you have been called to leave and end the cycle of abuse, then you are also called to equip and empower your kids to stand up to the bully, to see the truth through lies, to think critically. I believe it’s my highest calling to raise my daughter in a way that she will not repeat this pattern and she will teach her kids to not repeat the pattern. The legacy I’m leaving behind has changed because I made that decision.
It might be easier in the short-term to take the abuse on yourself in an effort to make things a little easier on your kids as they live in an abusive home. But by making the decision to leave and stay gone, you have an opportunity to teach your kids NOW the skills that you are just learning in your adult life.
If you need someone to come alongside you as you make the difficult decision to stay gone and to set healthy boundaries and stick to them, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. We’ll discuss what tools are available to you to help you and your kids thrive.
God made you for this!
WANT TO RECEIVE WEEKLY EMAILS FULL OF ENCOURAGEMENT + ADVICE?