Over in our Facebook group, I spoke a heartfelt message to all the women about standing in an answered prayer. It’s a message of encouragement to you in a time when you might be standing in what feels like an ocean right now and you might feel like you’re drowning.
I encourage you to watch it here.
Before I left my ex over a decade ago, I remember feeling like I was drowning.
Even while I was praying and looking for ways to improve our situation, I still felt like I was trapped, that I would never have anything better - that this was what the rest of my life would look like. It was devastating.
Only after I escaped from him, did I look around and realize I was actually only standing in two inches of water.
It felt like I was drowning, but all I had to do was...STAND UP.
You might feel like you’re drowning in your custody battle or in co-parenting because your kids are suffering.
You might feel like nobody is listening to you in court and you have no family or friends around you.
I get it. It feels like there’s no end in sight, only suffering.
From my experience, even though things might look completely bleak around you and you feel like you’re drowning in the deepest ocean, you may only be standing in two inches of water.
This is not to make you feel guilty or make you feel like if you just try harder everything will get better.
Realizing you’re not drowning and only standing in two inches of water sounds great but it’s extremely difficult to live it out in real life.
When I left for the second and final time, there was no custody order in place. I did not relinquish visitation control - I was creating my own supervised visitation and it was seemingly 'working'.
That is, until our daughter went back to school.
My ex lived right across the street from her school! He could pick her up early any day, anytime, and maybe never give her back. It was frightening because I knew there were no lengths he wouldn't go to in order to reestablish his sense of control and to take my daughter from me.
On the first day of school, right before I had to leave to go pick her up at dismissal, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean. I was on my knees, crying my heart out, not knowing if I would see my kid that day or if he was going to withhold her from me.
No matter how much faith I had, no matter how many prayers I prayed, nothing could guarantee an outcome that would be in the best interest for me or for my daughter.
It was scary, and I felt completely out of control.
At that point I basically surrendered and I said, “God, this is an ocean. I’m in a situation again. But I’m going to stand up by surrendering my kid and my situation to you.” I wasn't going to play tug of war with her, I was going to keep the peace should he make a scene.
So, with my entire body shaking from fear and anxiety of the outcome, clinging to my string of hope/faith in God, I showed up to school for dismissal. Praise God that the ex was nowhere to be found, and my daughter came home with me that day (and every day until we had a temporary custody order in place weeks later).
Fast forward to current times and my situation has completely changed. I now have my daughter 100% of the time.
I realize my story may not be the same as your story, but I share it because I want to encourage you to do two things:
First, I encourage you to pray like I did and surrender your situation to God.
Second, look at where you are now and see what answered prayers you're already standing in.
For me, I saw that no longer being trapped in a toxic marriage was an answered prayer to escape. You can start there and thank God for how far He’s already brought you. Gratitude will never return void.
Be encouraged, sisters. Know that I pray for your time with your kids. I pray for blessings of protection and provision over you and your kids.
If you're not already in our private Facebook group, join us there for more support and encouragement for the hell you're walking in sharing custody with a narcissist.
God made you for this!
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