Sharing custody with a narcissist is a pretty shitty situation, agreed?
Narcissists are pathological liars and manipulators who abuse because they choose to. This is our reality and we know that we have a lot thrown at us that we have to deal with.
Like me, you’ve most likely learned to expect lies, manipulation, chaos, and drama. Underneath this, I was always expecting this reality to mess up my plans with my daughter. I was sure he’d find a way to mess up my vacation. I was sure he’d throw a monkey wrench in plans and ruin the whole Christmas holiday celebration.
This is what got me into trouble. I spent so much energy thinking about how he was going to mess up my plans that I started banking on it. It controlled my life and my parenting which is exactly what he wants.
I had to make the decision that even though he was going to throw shit my way (reality), I didn’t have to expect my whole life to be shitty.
Instead of speaking those words of death over my life, I started speaking life over it. I started speaking as if miracles had already taken place. I’m not some spiritual guru, I’m just a regular woman. A mom who loves fiercely and wants to protect my kid at all costs and live a life of freedom on the other side of abuse.
So when there was zero physical evidence of any change in my situation, I focused my thoughts and my energy on change. I faced the reality that my child was in danger every time she went to her father’s house and I challenged that reality.
I said I was thankful now that I had sole custody even though I was currently in a 60/40 situation that had no prospect of change. These aren’t magic words that suddenly changed my situation just by speaking them but they are words that caused me to redirect my energy toward finding a solution.
My thoughts changed from a negative, everything-is-ruined pattern to a positive one that allowed me to climb out of that rut. It’s true that what you focus on is the direction your life will go.
I encourage you to change your thoughts from expecting everything to be shitty to expecting change and peace and freedom for you and your kids.
If you need some help getting started, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. We’ll talk about the tools available to you that can help you face and challenge the reality of your situation.
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie
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