Do I have your attention?
Let me start with a story. My ex once sent me a picture of a target he had hung on the wall in our former marital home. On the picture were the words, “Psalm 127,” and, “Wrong home, wrong family.” In the corner he had drawn a symbol that he used to symbolize his deep devotion to Jesus - a twisty cross inside a circle.
In 2019, I used this picture in court to prove his threatening intentions toward me and my daughter which helped to secure a protective order against him. He had to sign this protective order to acknowledge that he had received it, and I was shocked that he had the audacity to write this very symbol on a court document!
This story is proof that narcissistic abusers will never stop trying to manipulate and control you.
They will never stop pestering and threatening you.
You have to get to a point where you can laugh at his attempts to intimidate you. This is beyond fear for physical safety. That’s the reason for getting a protective order in the first place.
But when you’re physically safe and the ex is trying to send you subliminal messages to frighten you, you can make a decision to take control of your own life and no longer be afraid.
Knowing that they will never stop, it’s critical that you and I decide to take control of everything we can—countering the abuse of us and empowering our kids to do the same. In this way you’re giving the ex a proverbial middle finger. (Of course we would never do this to their faces, this is something that is just for us!)
When I saw that little symbol on the court document and realized he was still trying to send threatening messages to me, I laughed out loud. To me, it was so pitiful and petty that he thought he was going to scare me. I thought, “F-U, buddy.” I gave him the mental middle finger.
If you don’t have that fight in you right now, stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and go ahead and put both middle fingers in the air. Right now. If you’re alone, go ahead and say, “F you! I am not going to be controlled by you any longer!” Say it out loud.
This exercise will fire you up and give you an action to take right now that he can’t control. Even if you feel helpless in your situation, you can give him the middle finger and take control of the parts of your life that are yours!
If you need more help in sharing custody with an abuser, and a community of women to support you as you start to take control of your own life, then join the Kick-Ass Co-Parenting course with the option for group coaching. We’ll all give our exes the middle finger together!
God made you for this!
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