As October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, I'll be taking some time to bust myths about abuse.
Myth # 1: It takes two, OR, There are two sides to every story.
If a friend came to you and said she's being abused, would you believe her? Would you immediately want to know the abuser's side of the story? Would you be wondering what part the accuser played in the abuse?
Perhaps a friend's wife came to you with allegations of abuse. You've been friends for years and you've spent a lot of time together as couples. Is your immediate thought, there's no way that's possible! I've never seen him yell at her. No matter what happened to her or how horrible it may have been, it still takes two. She has to own her part in the breakdown of the relationship. No one is a saint!
If you perpetuate the myth that it always takes two when there is abuse that's being claimed, or there's two sides to every story, and you want to attribute half or at least half a portion of the arguing and abuse on the woman claiming abuse, I want to tell you a secret. You are part of the problem.
The reason that an abuser abuses has NOTHING to do with what the woman did, said, didn't do, didn't say, etc. No human deserves abuse.
Abusers abuse because they choose to abuse. Period.