Leaving and divorcing a narcissist is hard. Many times we moms have to start over financially and handle all the guilt and frustration that comes with that. It can get especially rough as the holiday season comes.
One year, before my divorce was final, I was living on my own with my daughter. It was three days before Thanksgiving and I found out that I had absolutely no money available to me. My bank accounts had been frozen because of unpaid joint taxes, I had no credit cards, and I had no cash on hand. I had no way of putting food on the table for the holiday.
I was devastated. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. I felt like a failure. I felt like giving up.
My first thought was to blame the ex, which I’m sure I did for a hot second. But after I got that out of my system, I did three things.
First, I prayed.
I’m not talking about, “Dear God, please help me with Thanksgiving because I’m such a victim.” NO. I prayed some seriously bold prayers regarding my financial life and being delivered from the hell I was walking in.
Second, I wrote declarations in my journal.
I knew that my thoughts had power and so I wrote down some of the wildest things that were definitely not true in the present physical world. I wrote things like, “I have X amount of money in my bank account and it feels great.” and “I have enough money that I can bless another mom in my situation because I’m no longer struggling.” I knew they weren’t true at the moment, but I had faith that they would be true in the future. I was surrounding myself with positive energy instead of all the negative that was being flung at me.
Third, I took action.
I didn’t want to sit at home and make rice or pasta from the pantry. My daughter and I went with a friend to a local church and we served Thanksgiving dinner to people in need. We did receive a free meal and that was a blessing, but that’s not why we went. I wanted to get out of my low spot and send out the positive vibes that I wanted to receive in my own life.
Sometimes when you’re in a low place like this, it’s better to get out and help someone instead of sitting there feeling like a piece of crap mom. Right?
And I was blessed with two angels in my life. One brought several bags of groceries to my house and the other slipped a card in my pocket with a $500 check in it. She told me not to pay her back, but to pay it forward.
This holiday, if you’re in a good financial position, I encourage you to do something to bless another mom. Send out positive energy and keep it going.
If you’re walking through your own version of hell right now, I encourage you to just keep going. It gets better, just don’t stop.
One month after that Thanksgiving, my divorce was final and I was awarded child support. And one month after that, I was awarded sole custody of my daughter and a protective order. I know that’s not everyone’s story but it is proof of what can happen when you don’t give up. I chose to not let myself sink into the low feelings, but to keep moving through my own personal hell.
If I can do it, you can too. I pray that you have a blessed Thanksgiving this year.
Changing my mindset literally changed my life. If you’d like help changing your mindset about your own situation, about how to keep going through your own personal hell, schedule a free 15 minute consultation with me. We’ll talk about the tools available to get you on the path to a better life for you and your kids.
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie
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