If you've ever read or felt the command from God to love our enemies, you might think, “How in the hell am I going to do that when my enemy continues to harm my kid/s?” I’ve had that conversation many, many times with God.
Even my kid has asked me, “How do I forgive Dad, when he still hurts me even though I only see him for one hour a month, how can I forgive?”
Here's what I've learned. In the moments where it was all so much hurt, so much anger, so much rage, so much negativity, I felt the need to separate myself from all of it so that I could feel better. You could call that forgiveness, but it was more like 'release and detach'. Yet I couldn't do it. And I definitely couldn't forgive. I couldn't even pray.
So what I began with was the desire. I'd ask, “God, can you help me want to pray for him? Can you just give me the desire to pray for him to be healed and whole so that he's better for our kid?” I prayed that prayer often.
That’s all I would do. I know that’s very small, but to me it was a way to help myself by releasing and detaching from the anger and frustration. Otherwise - my anger kept me tethered to him so deeply.
This might seem impossible when the exes are still harming our kids but I think if you can ask God to help you want to pray for him, I think you’ll find some peace there. It’s not to say he’s going to get better and stop being a narcissist, but maybe things will go lighter that weekend for your kids with him, or maybe he will cooperate with you that day. You just never know.
Prayer changes things, and it especially changes the one doing the praying. And in all of this madness that is sharing custody with a narcissistic person, we do all we can to protect our kids in all possible ways from harm. And we also realize, repeatedly, that our healing, our attitude, our thoughts, our actions, are the things under our control.
Praying for your enemy, is really praying for yourself - as it helps us to be released from the unhealthy and harmful attachment that anger, rage, bitterness, and unforgiveness traps us into.
If you'd like some help in the area of forgiveness, detachment, or how to feel better while co-parenting with your narcissistic ex, click the link below to schedule a coaching session with me. I promise you will leave our session feeling lighter, with more clarity of mind, and with the practical tools necessary to live detached and free of the post-separation abuse.
God made you for this!
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