Have you found yourself in a situation where the ex is asking to meet in person or speak on the phone, even though you’ve requested to communicate in writing?
Maybe he says he wants to avoid the cost and hardship of hiring lawyers, and just wants to work things out between the two of you.
Or maybe he says he wants to meet you in person to discuss problems he’s noticed with the kids.
This type of question is asked a lot in our group of abuse survivors. Should I meet with him? He refuses to answer my emails, should I just talk to him on the phone so something actually gets accomplished?
There is a term used in the Bible for false people like this. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Sheep will follow instead of making their own decisions, and that’s what the wolf wants. His words are flowery, convincing, manipulating, even threatening.
He wants you to follow his lead and do what he says. He wants you to come to him instead of making your own path.
Be careful around the wolf. His seemingly good behavior will not last for long.
This is especially important to remember when he’s being super nice to you, cooperative, giving you extra time with the kids, all the things.
The rest of that verse in the Bible says that these false people — these wolves in sheep’s clothing — act like they’re good, but inside, they’re ravenous.
They have an agenda to destroy you and your kids.
If you have to communicate with this person, put a wolf emoji next to his contact name in your phone. Then every time he texts or calls you, you’ll see the reminder that he is a wolf and he’s seeking to destroy you and your kids.
As a survivor, when you make eye contact with your abuser, there are physiological changes that happen to you. This trauma response doesn’t allow you to be your strongest self, and you might let down your boundaries. He’s counting on it.
When you talk to him in person or on the phone, there’s no record of what was said. He doesn’t have to stick to any of it, and you have no proof to take to court. He knows that.
Use that wolf emoji and remember that in every interaction, every word you say can be used against you.
Every emotion you give him can be used against you.
You’ve GOT to remember he’s ravenous, and wants to consume you to the point where you don’t exist. Isn’t that what it was like when you were married to him?
I got to a point where I told him I would no longer talk to him on the phone, that he needed to either start answering my emails or we would go to the lawyers.
He hated this and tried to get me to release this boundary, repeatedly. And yours will do the same! But...I stood strong and YOU CAN TOO!
If you need help setting this kind of boundary, if you need help coming up with the wording, if you need help getting your mind straight and remembering who he really is, sign up for the co-parenting course.
It was created to help you get those areas on the right path so you’re no longer following his ways.
This course gives you the peace you need and deserve!
God made you for this!
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