Sister,
Please hear what I'm about to say with an open heart knowing I once thought, like you might right now, that my ex was a 'good dad'. Despite all of his abuse of me, I honestly believed he was still a good dad to our child.
Please hear what I'm about to say with an open heart knowing I once thought, like you might right now, that my ex was a 'good dad'. Despite all of his abuse of me, I honestly believed he was still a good dad to our child.
If your ex, soon to be ex, or currently toxic husband has done ANY of these things to you, regardless if it was in front of your kids or not, HE IS NOT A GOOD DAD!
This is not an exhaustive list:
This is not an exhaustive list:
- screamed at you
- called you derogatory names
- pushed you
- blocked your entry or exit from a room
- punched a hole in the wall
- broke something in anger
- grabbed you/your arm
- withheld money or affection as punishment
- put you down
- threatened to take the kids away from you / punish you
- coerced you into doing what he wanted/demanded
- used religion/God to keep you 'submissive' to him
I used to believe my ex was a 'good dad' because he was physically affectionate with our daughter.
I used to think he would never harm her (emotionally or physically) because he seemed to worship her as his only child/heir.
I used to believe he was a good dad because he didn't do anything outwardly harmful directly to her (that changed quickly).
It wasn't until I sat across from a 'friend' a few years back, describing all the ways in which the ex had harmed me and was still harming me post-separation when this truth became clear.
He is NOT a good dad if he can abuse the mother of his child. PERIOD.
That 'friend' was adamant that, 'Of course he's a good dad. Of course he loves your daughter.'
To which I responded, "No, I don't believe he is or does. At All."
Note: I am no longer friends with this person. Long story, for a future blog post! When someone supports an abuser, they are NOT your friend!
A man who hurts his child's mom is not a good dad.
I also realized I needed to dig deeper and look at ways in which he actually WAS abusing and harming our daughter.
Abusers abuse. Period.
Their kids are not safe from the harm that they do, either.
I also realized I needed to dig deeper and look at ways in which he actually WAS abusing and harming our daughter.
Abusers abuse. Period.
Their kids are not safe from the harm that they do, either.
What are you believing about your kid's dad right now? Did any of this resonate with you? I'd love to know.
Tell me your thoughts and join this conversation over on my Facebook group, Hopeful + Healed Moms: Co-Parenting with an Abuser HERE.
XO,
Vickie
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie
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