In my day-to-day life as a single mom, I was so afraid to talk to my daughter about anything related to abuse. I didn’t want to say anything against her dad, or tell her that he was wrong. I was so afraid of being vilified in court for badmouthing him.
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We would love to co-parent like regular people. But we wind up in situations where we have to choose between the truth that we can’t give him an inch or he’ll take a mile and the fact that we want to do what’s good for the kids.
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I was concerned because here I was making this bold, courageous move to leave an abusive situation, yet my daughter was still chasing after love and approval from her father, her friends, even (emotional) bullies at school.
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When we rely on the ex for one of our core needs like food, shelter, joy, peace, or freedom, we are still enmeshed emotionally with him. When he doesn’t come through, our whole lives are affected.
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I had no way of putting food on the table for the holiday. My first thought was to blame the ex, which I’m sure I did for a hot second. But after I got that out of my system, I did three things.
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