One of the biggest things that propels me and fuels me both in my life is to help mommas like you get themselves unstuck, especially in the areas where the ex has you paralyzed. Sharing custody sucks even if you have a healthy co-parenting relationship, let alone something completely toxic and imbalanced.
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Lean in, Sister.
What I'm about to say comes from a place of LOVE and from a place of SHARED EXPERIENCE with you.
No matter what your ex, or soon-to-be-ex thinks or believes.
No matter what he tells you is 'his right' to say or do.
No matter how he has treated you in the past.
No matter however long the years were where you tolerated any of the following...
Demeaning you
Screaming at you
Scolding you
Talking down to you
Correcting you
Making fun of you
Calling you names
Treating you like you're dumb or less than in any way/shape/form
Guess What?
He doesn't get to treat you like that anymore.
"Easier said than done, Vickie."
"Sounds great, but it's so hard."
"I can't stand up to him because I'm afraid."
I said all of these, and more. For years.
WHAT IF...
You just DECIDED today, right now, in this moment, that your ex doesn't get to treat you like that anymore?
Decisions are SUPER POWERFUL my friend.
And Rome wasn't build in a day, right?
You typically don't go from decision to badass overnight.
Once you make this decision though, like REALLY make it in your heart, and believe it with every fiber of your being, then your view of every encounter, every email, every text changes.
Your lens is no longer "Oh I wish he would stop...", or "Why can't he just leave me alone..."
No. Your new lens, with the power of this decision behind it, is "I'm going to say no right now."
Or
You respond to the next time he's screaming at you on the phone with, "I won't be treated like this. I'm hanging up now." And you hang up! (Then go barf if you have to because of how hard that was, it's all good.)
With every choice, you now move in the direction of being in alignment with the decision you made.
"He can no longer treat me like shit."
In fact, it helps me tremendously to say these decisions as declarations out loud.
Daily.
Before you see him or have to interact with him.
Say it out loud when you wake up and anytime you feel unsure or afraid.
Every single day.
I promise you this, you will begin to feel things shift in your life. You will be in a better place a month from now than you are today.
How can I promise you this? Because I was sitting where you are right now, wishing and needing things to change, suffering endlessly under the power (that I was giving him! that you are giving yours!) of his post-separation abuse.
Say this out loud with me right now:
"He can no longer treat me like shit."
I'm here to help you stand firm in this!
Find support where I, and 500+ other women are standing up and saying no more HERE, in my FB GROUP community.
XO,
Vickie
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie
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