He Doesn't Get To Treat You Like Shit Anymore!

He Doesn't Get To Treat You Like Shit Anymore!
Lean in, Sister.
What I'm about to say comes from a place of LOVE and from a place of SHARED EXPERIENCE with you.

No matter what your ex, or soon-to-be-ex thinks or believes.
No matter what he tells you is 'his right' to say or do.
No matter how he has treated you in the past.
No matter however long the years were where you tolerated any of the following...

Demeaning you
Screaming at you
Scolding you
Talking down to you
Correcting you
Making fun of you
Calling you names
Treating you like you're dumb or less than in any way/shape/form

Guess What?
He doesn't get to treat you like that anymore.

"Easier said than done, Vickie."
"Sounds great, but it's so hard."
"I can't stand up to him because I'm afraid."

I said all of these, and more. For years.

WHAT IF...
You just DECIDED today, right now, in this moment, that your ex doesn't get to treat you like that anymore?
Decisions are SUPER POWERFUL my friend.

And Rome wasn't build in a day, right? 
You typically don't go from decision to badass overnight.

Once you make this decision though, like REALLY make it in your heart, and believe it with every fiber of your being, then your view of every encounter, every email, every text changes. 

Your lens is no longer "Oh I wish he would stop...",  or "Why can't he just leave me alone..." 

No. Your new lens, with the power of this decision behind it, is "I'm going to say no right now." 
Or
You respond to the next time he's screaming at you on the phone with, "I won't be treated like this. I'm hanging up now." And you hang up! (Then go barf if you have to because of how hard that was, it's all good.)

With every choice, you now move in the direction of being in alignment with the decision you made.

"He can no longer treat me like shit."
In fact, it helps me tremendously to say these decisions as declarations out loud. 
Daily. 
Before you see him or have to interact with him. 
Say it out loud when you wake up and anytime you feel unsure or afraid. 
Every single day.

I promise you this, you will begin to feel things shift in your life. You will be in a better place a month from now than you are today. 

How can I promise you this? Because I was sitting where you are right now, wishing and needing things to change, suffering endlessly under the power (that I was giving him! that you are giving yours!) of his post-separation abuse.

Say this out loud with me right now:

"He can no longer treat me like shit."
I'm here to help you stand firm in this! 
Find support where I, and 500+ other women are standing up and saying no more HERE, in my FB GROUP community.
XO,
Vickie
God made you for this!
XO,
Vickie

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What I've Wished For For Years

What I've Wished For For Years
9/6/2020


Holidays. Birthdays. Vacations. Special Events. Trips. 

 

Every single time, the narc would create massive, gut-wrenching, drama. 

 

Every. Single. Time. 

 

Once he made such a stink -  threatening to separate - that I cancelled a girls trip the morning of my flight, so I could stay home and 'work things out' with him. 

 

Another time, the night before a huge business presentation in front of 500+ people, he kept me up till 3am, emotionally bashing me, holding me hostage to listen to his ranting and raving as I cried for hours over what I could not control (his BS)!

 

The LAST time I allowed this to happen was on a Christmas Eve.  As I joyfully assembled a My Little Pony castle for our daughter, heart full of gratitude having just finished a year of surgeries, chemotherapy and recovery from breast cancer, he started a fight. I cannot recall over what, because for narcs, it could be over anything and nothing at all. I remember that sinking feeling, that I had to 'take it' and listen to him spout lies and bring up the past over and over again so that he wouldn't wake up our kid. 

 

Sitting here, years removed from being ‘with’ him, on a holiday weekend, and I feel anxious. 

 

I give myself grace for feeling this way. For crying and letting it out. 

 

Trauma forms in so many layers, and this feels like another one peeling back, exposing the wound underneath, ready to be healed. I allow the feelings to flow through me, but I don’t stay in that place. 

 

I’ve come to believe I create my reality. 

 

I realize I’m ‘hiding’ because I feel anxious and nervous- and also fully responsible for all of it - creating my life, building my business, my daughter's entire upbringing, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, making the money, self-development, doing all the things in my business, cultivating friendships. And healing from decades of trauma.

 

So I cry and let it out.  Then I pick myself up.

 

I’m grateful for this moment, to identify why I feel the yuck. Now I can take action. 

 

THIS is powerful. THIS is the EXACT fucking option I didn’t feel I had during those spoiled, trauma-filled events with the narc. 

 

I DECIDE. I get to decide how I want my life to go now. 

 

I get to make my money, I get to build my business that feels so damn good and aligned with my highest desire to help other women through this shit. 

 

I get to buy my dream home, my dream car, and hire professionals to clean my home.

 

I get to prepare my heart for the deep romantic love of a physically and emotionally healthy man (whom I believe God has fully designed for me, and me for him). 

 

I get to shape and guide my daughter into the woman God designed her to be!

 

This is IT! 

 

THIS IS FREEDOM! 

 

THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WISHING FOR! 

 

So, I wipe my eyes, take a deep breath, rub JOY oil over my heart and VALOR oil over my neck - and I TAKE HOLD of THIS LIFE, THIS OPPORTUNITY. 

 

THANK YOU JESUS. 

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